I'm going through a rebirth period, based on my blog and social media posts I think that may be pretty obvious. However, I AM OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED! (Yes, I am thrilled) I now have more time to get on my journey of finding my truest desires and rewriting beliefs of the self that are a truer representation of who I am, with no excuses!
The reason why this is a big deal to me is that I was let go from a job that was really wearing on my soul. 10 years of the banking industry and im finally closing that chapter of my life and hopefully for good. I'm taking all that I have learned and applying it to this new life and new business that I am cultivating.
but I want to share something more personal about me that I am working on which sets the pace for the projects that i am working on.
I am good at torturing myself, and telling myself "NO!" before an idea even forms in my head. Im tired of being the victim of my circumstances and my childhood traumas and I'm doing my best to acknowledge my thought patterns and rewrite them with positive and uplifting ones but that, I'm realizing is easier said than done. I've acknowledged and further drowned myself in my insecurities, telling myself "Yup, you're still that person." "you don't even know ...XYZ" my ego damn it! I hate it here! but im learning to be more gentle and that's the kind of grace I need from myself, knowing that the negative self talk is not true and to allow myself to truly step into my power.
My brain quickly recognizes when i am practicing negative behavior once I've done it, and it personally takes that much longer to sit and heal it. Part of that process for me includes the feelings of shame and guilt; this is particularly long for me because I dwell in affirming that i don't deserve good things.
I have to add that I have been working on my relationship with my dad, we've been patient with each other and have had meaningful conversations. I wanted to share something important that he told me. He said "Don't let anyone influence your thoughts, not myself, not your mom, your friends, your husband or your siblings. Not anyone!"The way I understood his words was not to allow my decisions or the way I want to live my life be influenced by what others would think. Some might interpret it different, but either way I hope it helps.
Then after all this reflection that I do I move into forgiveness for myself and those I've dragged down with me, and gratitude for my personal experience and my growth through it all.
So to that I say do the inner work, it is painful but it is your own and it is worth it.
My advice when doing inner work is also this: Do the work but take a break, allow yourself to enjoy the process. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a book that is fictional and not self-help. Go out and laugh with your friends, you are human and you deserve all of the pleasantries that life has to offer. We are currently in the midst of a pandemic and we need to be mindful, but this is when we need to give ourselves more time to feel alive.
Okay this wasn't where I thought my writing was going to take me but here we are. Now that I have all of this extra time on my hands Im excited to bask into what I have started FULL TIME. I can't wait to see what our podcast, On This Frequency (https://open.spotify.com/show/38mqFny5eJYx1qFloGFWCh?si=eiFUkWmcQJ-m_pLS9t3zDA&dl_branch=1) is going to develop to.
I can't wait to see the manifesting that my sage and palo santo bundles are going to bring to myself and the people that obtain them (https://www.etsy.com/shop/Primaveracolorlimon?ref=seller-platform-mcnav )
I'm excited to continue learning about the body and Yoga and completing my certification!
So many good things are coming, I can feel it! I close with this Poem that was shared with me by a colleague:
The Road Not Taken
BY ROBERT FROST
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
Happy 4th Quarter 2021!